


Drift

by old_enough_to_know_better



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Depression, F/M, Not Beta Read, Suicidal Thoughts, bang chan is a radio host, darker than my usual, had to have a happy ending, zelo is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24021160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/old_enough_to_know_better/pseuds/old_enough_to_know_better
Summary: 'I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. Everybody around me has a direction and a passion, and I just feel like I'm drifting. Every day I feel like I'm drifting closer to the edge, and I'm scared I'm going to fall off. What if there's really nothing out there to catch me?'Life isn't going right, but a voice grabs hold of you and helps steer you closer to safety.(Summary sucks, give the fic a chance.)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Drift

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Beautifully_Awkward_Productions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautifully_Awkward_Productions/gifts).



> Finally finished this! It's been in the works for so long!  
> Tay, I love you!
> 
> A slight twist on your typical reader insert. Let me know what you think!

🌻  
  
You woke to the blaring of your alarm, slowly. Mornings were never easy when it took forever for you to get to sleep. It was happening more and more lately. You lay awake in bed, lost in your head, as the minutes ticked past.  
  
But morning waited for no one, and always came at the same time. You groaned as you rolled out of bed and stretched your aching muscles. This was nothing that coffee couldn't fix. In dismay, you remembered that your coffeemaker had broken last week, and you still hadn't gotten a new one. Nothing ever went right.  
  
The coffee shop was crowded this early in the day, a good-sized line waiting to be served. The two baristas were bustling back and forth behind the counter at a quick pace, and it didn't take long until it was your turn. "The usual, noona?" The taller barista at the register asked with a grin.  
  
You smiled gratefully back at him. "That'd be perfect, Junnie." He grimaced at the old nickname, but still put his friends and family discount through for you. After all, you had grown up together. You stood to the side as the other barista, someone new, made the drink. You had just enough time to look him over before he handed you your drink with a sleepy-eyed smile. You waved goodbye to Junhong as you headed out to work.  
  


* * *

  
  
The clock on the wall said it was midnight, but it may as well have been mid-afternoon for how tired you were. You couldn't stand the quiet in the apartment any longer. Your thoughts were too loud. You turned on the local indie radio station's app on your phone, hoping for some background noise. A commercial break was airing, so you closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.  
  
"G'day, listeners! Err, well, not day, it's pretty well nighttime, but you know." A heavily accented voice replaced the ads, and you opened your eyes. "You probably were expecting a preprogrammed block of music, but got me instead. Don't tune out! This is a new show, Bang's Room! We're gonna have music, stories, listener questions, we'll talk about anything. Give me a chance, just stay with me."  
  
You were intrigued by his voice, clearly Australian, upbeat and hopeful. Things you hadn't felt in too long. You stayed tuned in as he talked about his childhood overseas, his decision to leave everything behind and move to the US, and some of his favorite music. After an hour, he opened up to the audience.  
  
"What decisions have been weighing on you lately? Write in through the app or website, and we'll talk it out together after this song."  
  
Without thinking, your phone was in your hands. Maybe it was the fact that you couldn't see him, and vice versa, maybe it was the anonymity of the app, but you were ready to open up. You typed your dilemma out and hit send before you could change your mind.  
  
"And we're back! It's me, Chan, and we're going to read some listener questions now. We got more than I expected for the first show, so thank you all!"  
  
"Five," a female voice cut in. "We got five."  
  
"Thank you, Jamie." Chan sighed. "That's my producer, Jamie. She'll probably be a regular nuisance on the show. Anyways, from INtheFoxhole comes the question, _'My parents are pushing me to go to college locally, but I want to go out of state. What do I do?'_ Ooh, that's a toughie. Normally, I'd say respect your elders, but it's your future. At least consider the schools they want before you shut them down."  
  
It was good advice, as was what he recommended to the next three listeners. Jamie let him know that they were still getting questions, and Chan seemed very excited. His excitement waned as he read your submission. "From BabyStay, _'I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. Everybody around me has a direction and a passion, and I just feel like I'm drifting. Every day I feel like I'm drifting closer to the edge, and I'm scared I'm going to fall off. What if there's really nothing out there to catch me?'_  
  
He paused to take a deep breath. "Well that got real, real fast. Listen here, BabyStay. You're doing great. I need you to know that. I know it seems like everybody knows what they're doing, but I'm really just winging it. We're all drifting, and when we catch a current, we ride it. And I promise you, someone will catch you. I never lie." He sighed, "but mean old Jamie wants me to wrap this up, so we can let capitalism reign, so here are some sponsors!"  
  
His words replayed in your head as the ads droned on. For once, you found yourself nodding off earlier than usual, even before the end of the radio show. You slipped into a comfortable sleep to the sound of Chan's voice.  
  
🐺  
  
As soon as the show wrapped up, Chan leaned back in his chair, slipping the headphones from his ears. Jamie tilted her head, looking at him from under her lashes. "Still thinking about that one question?" He sighed, and she knew it was a yes. "Don't get in too deep. It was a good show tonight, let's keep up the momentum." She sent him a smile as she turned on the automatic playlist for the night and left the room.  
  
Chan closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. After a minute he reopened them and turned to his computer. He clicked back on that one listener submission that had been bothering him the whole show. It wouldn't hurt to send a little support, right?

  
  
🌻  
  
Your alarm didn't seem half as obnoxious this morning. Maybe that's what getting sleep did for you. You turned it off, glad you had remembered to plug your phone in to charge before you fell asleep last night.  
  
Huh. That was weird. You had a notification from the radio station app. Someone had sent you a message? You didn't know that was a thing. You opened it up. Oh, it was from Bang Chan, the host.  
  
_' Jamie's gonna kill me if she finds out I'm writing this. But stay strong! I'm on your side. You're not aimlessly drifting. As long as you can hear my voice, you've got somewhere to go.'_  
  
It was short, but the fact that he thought enough about it to write you personally after the show meant so much to you. You felt warm inside as you started to get ready for your day.  
  
Junhong wasn't working when you got to the coffee shop, but you spotted the new guy from yesterday. He still looked tired. You wondered if he ever slept.  
  
"You're in a good mood today." The other barista commented.  
  
You grinned. "I finally slept well." You pursed your lips. "But you look too skinny. Have you lost weight, Woojin?"  
  
He shrugged. "Just working a lot, it's fine. I'm happy to be back." He punched in an order on the register. "The usual, as always?" You smiled sheepishly. At this rate, the new guy would know it before long, too. "Chris, order up!" His dark curly hair bounced as he prepared your drink.  
  


* * *

  
  
Over the next week, your mood stayed high. Even your coworkers began to notice your eyebags fading and the small smiles that graced your face. You were listening to Bang's Room every night, often falling asleep to the sound of Chan's voice. Each night, you wrote in a response to his questions, and while he read them on air, he never sent back a message again. You began to wonder if he really did get in trouble for that.  
  
It was on a Wednesday that your boss took you into their office to reprimand you for something out of your control. The feelings of hopelessness began to pick at the edges of your self-worth again. Why did you let such a small thing bother you? It wasn’t like your job was at risk. It was more of a formality than anything else. But you missed Bang’s Room that night, choosing instead to curl into a ball of self-doubt in the middle of your bed.

You missed the show the next night as well. Junhong scolded you when you came into the café, because the eyebags were back in full force. You weren’t fully convinced that the new guy wasn’t upset with you either, even though he really had no reason to be. Junhong whispered over the counter that he’d been in a bad mood all morning.

Ah, something you two had in common.

Work didn’t make your mood any better. Too many hours, with too many conversations going on around you, about too many pointless things. When would it all stop? Not soon enough, it turned out. Your friends invited you out after work, and it had been so long since you had been out with them, it felt rude to refuse. After all, Mina and Siyeon really did _try_ to help when you got depressed. They just didn’t know how.

And that’s how you found yourself pressed against a crowded bar, ordering drinks for your table. At least the bartender was nice enough to say he’d have them brought over. You’d be sure to tip him well. The sooner you got back to your friends, the better. Mina and Siyeon on their own could be a handful, but someone had invited Junhong, and well, he required both hands all by himself. You stopped partway back to the table, taking in the image of the three. They were bent over laughing, eyes closed and mouths wide, unabashed and free. You wished you were able to feel that open, with anyone. You made it back to the table just before the drinks arrived, rolling your eyes as Junhong took yours right from your hand. That sneaky little… It was just as well. There was no need for you to be a sad drunk tonight. Sometimes, self-care meant letting your little shit of a friend steal your drink.

Pressed against the cool wall of the surprisingly clean bathroom, you felt your phone buzz. You furrowed your brow in confusion. Who would be texting you? You left Siyeon and Junhong deep in debate back at the table. You swore, if Mina was texting you from inside the stall instead of just using her words, she was cut off. Checking the screen, you were confused to see a notification from the radio app. It had been around ten days since you first logged in to the app, and this was only the second notification. Even stranger, you hadn’t touched the app in days. You checked in on Mina as you opened the app.

“All good in there?”

“My fingers look funny.” Mina called out from the stall.

“Hmm.” You hummed absentmindedly. “Well finish up and let’s get back to the others, and we can ask them if they think so too.” You clicked on the new message in your inbox. Another one from…

“Who’s Chan?”

“Jesus, Siyeon, you scared me!” You pressed the phone against your pounding heart, as much to try to calm yourself as to keep your friend’s prying eyes away. Her face was right over your shoulder, you hadn’t even heard her come into the bathroom.

“Mina!” She pounded on the door to the stall. “Quit looking at your fingers and get out here! I _will_ come in and get you!”

You chanced a peek down at your phone. This time, you were able to read the message, while Siyeon coached Mina through a thorough hand-washing.

_‘This is silly of me, but I haven’t seen you in the comments, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Some of the things you said had me a little nervous. I know I don’t know you, so feel free to ignore this, but uh, it would put my mind at ease if you checked in, yeah? Um, maybe listen to tonight’s show?’_

You felt a warmth in the center of your stomach, almost like you had actually been drinking. This stranger actually seemed interested in your presence, actually seemed to care. Of course, he probably just did it so he didn’t lose any listeners. But it worked. When your friends split for the karaoke bar around the corner, you said your goodbyes, and began the short walk back to your apartment. Thank god you carried earbuds with you everywhere, because Chan’s show started just moments after you began walking. Something about the combination of his voice and the crisp night air felt cleansing, like the stress of the day was being washed away from the inside out. You paused outside your building to send a message to the show.

_‘Not feeling so alone right now’_

🐺

Chan rolled his eyes as the mics were cut and the playlist cued. Jamie was nonchalantly inspecting a dangerously pointed nail with a too-innocent look on her face. “Just say it!” He spit out.

“So she’s back.” She looked up at him with a knowing look.

Chan looked away. “I guess so.” He mumbled.

“And this has nothing to do with the deleted messages I keep finding on the show’s account?”

He shrugged. “How should I know?”

“Keep your filthy secrets.” She hissed, flicking a nail at him. “But don’t let it get in the way of the show!”

Chan grinned. “No, sir! Ma’am! Miss! Please don’t hurt me!”

She shook a fist at him, only vaguely threatening. “Have a good weekend, you brat. You better bring coffee on Monday.”

🌻

On Monday, time stood still. You knew what your boss was saying, but at the same time, you didn’t understand. You were a good employee. You had done everything you could. You knew the company was having a hard time, and you were the most junior employee, but still. To just let you go? How could this happen? What did you do wrong? You packed your things as quickly as you could and headed home.

While you were still numb from shock, you searched for a new job. You knew that once this sunk in, likely in a few hours, you would feel too hopeless to want to do anything. You updated your resume, uploaded it to a few job sites, and managed to fill out a few applications before the soul-sucking weariness sunk in.

You weren’t sure how long you cried for before you decided to take a walk. Anything to get you out of the apartment. You trudged along the streets, no particular destination in mind, as the sunk sank lower and lower. Your feet ached from walking by the time you had made it to the river, so you gladly sat on a bench to relieve the pressure. You watched cars go back and forth over the bridge as lights flickered to life along the bank. The air grew colder. People came and went, and eventually, a security guard came to usher you out of the park.

You headed to the bridge, still going farther from home. You only made it halfway across before the tears hit again. Maybe you knew where you were, but you were so lost. In your career, in your social life, in general. You began to wonder if it was all worth it.

You fumbled in your pockets, pulling your phone out to check the time. _11:50._ Bang’s Room would start soon. You didn’t even think that would help you this time. What could he say that wasn’t already in your head? You knew all the positive thoughts, you just also knew all the comebacks to them.

As you held the phone, a new message came in. _‘Listening?’_

Fuck it. Might as well message back. After all, this could be the last message ever. _‘Not tonight. I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. Please don’t think about me anymore. Goodbye.’_

You sobbed. It was over. You sunk down against the cold concrete to let out a last wave of emotion.

🐺

The chair thudded as it hit the desk behind him. “Jamie, that message pinged from the bridge near the park, right?” Chan asked as he stood up.

“Chan, the show!”

“JAMIE! Answer me!” She nodded. “Good. You run the show tonight, I don’t know, tell them I’m sick or whatever. But get some emergency services on their way.” He flung a leather jacket over his shoulders and ran out of the building before she could say anything else. Yeah, this might cost him his job. But the alternative? That was way worse.

🌻

You could hear sirens in the distance as you pawed the drying tear streaks from your cheeks. You stood up and cracked your neck. It was now or never. Gripping the top of the guardrail, you took a step up.

“Wait!”  
  


Your head whipped around, causing your foot to slip back down. Frustrated, you clicked at the railing. The figure jogged several steps closer, and you were finally able to make them out through puffy eyes.

“Chris?” What in the fresh hell was the barista doing here?

“I tracked you.” He panted, out of breath.

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye. “Okay, that’s not creepy at all. We’ve never even talked. Can you just go so I can get this over with before the cops try to stop me too?”

“No—It’s—It’s me! Remember, I told you, as long as you could hear my voice, there’s somewhere for you to go.” He put his hands on his knees, taking a few deep breaths. “I came to catch you.”

You turned to fully face him. “Oh my… god. You’re Chan. You’ve been by my side this whole time.” You sunk to the pavement, and he took a tentative step forward, followed by another when you didn’t move. In no time, he was crouching in front of you. “But what about the show?”

He laughed. You liked the way it sounded better in person than over the radio. It sounded like sunshine. “If I’m lucky, Jamie’ll do a good job covering for me. If I’m not, well, I make a mean cup of coffee.” He stood up, holding a hand out to you.

You took it, and he pulled you up, much more easily than you expected. You felt steadier now. “I could use a coffee.”

He grinned, a deep dimple cutting his cheek. “I just so happen to know a place.”

You smiled back. This wasn’t the waterfall you had expected it to be, just a little rough water. You were back to drifting, but now, maybe you had someone there to drift alongside you for a while.

**EPILOGUE:**

“CHRISTOPHER BANG!” A shrill voice cut through the noise of the bar. All heads turned to look at the short blonde in the doorway. “Did you try to set me up with Matt, again? I already said no. I am not going out with someone whose tiddies are bigger than mine!”

Junhong nearly did a spittake, but managed to swallow at the last second. “And you are?”

She whirled on him. “Not interested.”

From the other side of the table, with jaws dropped, Mina and Siyeon whispered, “Dammmmn!”

You looked up at the cringing man beside you. “Why did we decide it would be a good idea for our friends to meet?”

He grimaced. “Because we love each other, and they love us, so…”

“Righhhht.” You looked back at the four of them, imagining the chaos that was to come. “This is fine, everything’s fine.”

“SHOTS!”

“Jamie, no!”

“Get it, girl!”

This is not where you thought your life would be two months ago. But looking back, you really weren’t sure of any other way that it could be. Well, maybe minus Junhong grinding on Jamie. That didn’t need to be happening. You needed to put a stop to that.

“Chan, help me!”

**Author's Note:**

> I live on comments and kudos, please leave some!
> 
> I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/minnisoldenough) sometimes, too.
> 
> If you like what you read, please consider my [ko-fi!](https://ko-fi.com/minntee)


End file.
